Feature image by Tara Jacoby
Since your last read, you probably thought the series was over. Surprise! I had to leave you wondering if there were more or not. And believe me, there is more.
Foremost, I thought I was done with being a second woman, the side piece, the one that may never become the main. The journey was thrilling and easier than a causal relationship with someone single. But, I was over the experience. So, I pursued a man I believed was single.
I make the assumption that if a man approaches me or sends me a DM, he must be single. I do not believe it is my place to ask a man for their relationship status the first time we meet. Clearly my mindset was, in a sense, gullible. Evidently, I thought wrong with this guy.
So, A young man slides into my DM’s with valor asking about why I wrote “Haitian men are so…“. I decided to try something new and actually reply to my DM’s. Ya know, new relationship status, new me. I respond with no expectations of a continued conversation. Somehow, we are talking about the distinct similarities between the African culture and Haitian culture while attempting to discover the differences. In my mind, this conversation would not lead to his confession.
A day goes by and I find us conversing, day and night. We held deep conversations about music, his heritage, my heritage, current events, and all topics of substance.
Yass to the man of substance!
Then, the conversations suddenly shifted. It became less about substance and more about sexual intimacy. One long and girthy picture after the next, we’re scheduling a session. Despite the distance, I decided to meet up with him for lunch and fuck, I mean this is the hook up generation after all.
A few days pre-expected session date, I get a text, “I have something to tell you”. I am thinking, “Oh no. Do not tell me he is cancelling. I paid a hefty amount for this Brazilian wax.” Thinking more about my pockets than him.
But, I would have never expected:
“I have a girlfriend and I hope this does not change anything”, he says.
I respond, “This changes everything”.
“Why you bother me when you know you got a woman”-SZA
Let’s pause this narrative for a minute and enter my internal monologues:
“Why is this always happening to me?”
“Real life and DM’s. Girl, you are a class act”
“You know what? Maybe this is my destiny.”
*Goes on Facebook and updates status: “Men in relationships love pursuing me. . .” *
“I think its time I know why”
End of internal monologue*
I picked up my phone and read his repeat reply to my message, “I just hope this does not change anything”. I reply, “Why do you need a girl on the side?” He proceeds to tell me about his rocky relationship and how he feels as if he does not love her anymore and for the moment they “are not together”.
Hold up! So you mean to tell me you have a girlfriend but, you are not together! As in, not in a relationship. Who 👏🏾 does👏🏾 he think 👏🏾 he is going to give an half-assed truth to. I called bluff. Besides, I did not ask for a back story, I just wanted to know why he needs a side chick. So, I resend the same question.
He replies, “I find solace in you.”.
While keeping a long story short, I agreed to being a side-chick, virtually.
So, I am at this adorable restaurant as a mistress. I sit their wondering why the idiot would take his side chick out in public during the day when he has a girlfriend.
But, that’s none of my business.
As I enjoy the free meal, he seems distant. Constantly on his phone as we talk.
This is my biggest pet peeve. I am a conversationalist. If I can not keep your attention while we are out, you can leave.
Eventually, I gained his attention.
From lunch, we end up “fucking”. As a sexually liberated individual, I pursue sex through energy. Literally, individuals with great sexual vibes exude the energy. He had this energy, but, today it was off. He seemed distant. He seemed more interested in cumming rather than enjoying the sex. So, the sex is…
It could have been better.
He releases. Following release, he says, “We have to go. My girlfriend is freaking out”. I stare at him aimlessly as he speaks and when he ends the sentence, I swiftly turn away. I pace into the bathroom, freshen up, get dressed, and walk towards the bedroom door. I can sense him staring at me, expecting me to ask questions. But, who am I to ask anything. I am the side chick right?
We leave the apartment and he says, “I accidentally sent my girlfriend a voice iMessage when we were in the restaurant”.
What. An. Idiot!
He proceeds to say, “She is tripping over nothing”. 😒
This is when I had to intervene. I had to vouch for her. I put myself in her shoes. So, I had to make this man realize that he was, in fact, cheating on her and she has all reasons to be “tripping”.
He retorts, “I was not before. She drove me to this”.
I side-eyed him again! But, this time, I kept my mouth shut. Once more, it is none of my business.
I grilled, “What did you tell her about the voice message?”
Apparently, he told her I was his sister. I giggled and just left. On my drive to find something better to do, after wasting my time, he sends an apology text that was more of a plead for me not to end the casual relationship. I become distant.
I contemplate the agreement over a span of a week. I kept communication with him minimal. Less information about myself and pretty one-worded. Then I said fuck it.
Until I got a text:
So I asked:
I could not help but to be curious. He would not leave her even though he professed his frustration with the relationship. I needed to know what exactly drove him to ending it all.
And it went a little something like this:
In accepting my third position as, what I might as well be known as, a ceritifed side chick, I had a light bulb moment.
Mhmmm. The relationship was a “mess”
This statement introduced a moment of clarity. I uncovered my calling in regards to seeking casual relationships that involved men with a “main chick”. I present you, a side chick, the muse.
By definition, a muse is ” a person . . . who is a source of inspiration”. Therefore, I became a muse to men in failing relationships.
Basically, majority of the men I was pulled into being a side chick for all came to me for “solace”. This was either a mental break from their relationship or a sexual awakening, mainly sexual. Soon after engaging in a casual sexual agreement, their relationships ended. Thus, men did not leave their significant other for me. I was probably there to improve what they lacked in their relationship. If it, still, was not enough to make them happy in their relationship, they ended it.
“You’re like 9 to 5, I’m the weekend” -SZA
This is when I discovered why I did not care about being another mans side chick just like SZA and Gabrielle Union in real life. And, fictional characters, Mary Jane of Being Mary Jane, Olivia Pope of Scandal, Joseline Hernandez of Love and Hip-Hop, and the many other women accepting their roles as being the second woman.
Except, I’ve broken the barriers. I do not want to be the main. Thus, its time to re-frame the narrative of side-chicks.
Shout to SZA, my muse.
Side Chick Chronicles is a series curated by the creator of Candor Spirit to share stories by side chicks. If you would like to share your story, anonymously, email firstname.lastname@example.org with your tale.