Since your last read, you probably thought the series was over. Surprise! I had to leave you wondering if there were more or not. And believe me, there is more.
Foremost, I thought I was done with being a second woman, the side piece, the one that may never become the main. The journey was thrilling and easier than a causal relationship with someone single. But, I was over the experience. So, I pursued a man I believed was single.
I make the assumption that if a man approaches me or sends me a DM, he must be single. I do not believe it is my place to ask a man for their relationship status the first time we meet. Clearly my mindset was, in a sense, gullible. Evidently, I thought wrong with this guy.
So, A young man slides into my DM’s with valor asking about why I wrote “Haitian men are so…“. I decided to try something new and actually reply to my DM’s. Ya know, new relationship status, new me. I respond with no expectations of a continued conversation. Somehow, we are talking about the distinct similarities between the African culture and Haitian culture while attempting to discover the differences. In my mind, this conversation would not lead to his confession.
A day goes by and I find us conversing, day and night. We held deep conversations about music, his heritage, my heritage, current events, and all topics of substance.
I was once an unaware side chick. You know, the woman your boyfriend or husband decided to sneak around with. However, I was the woman chosen to be the second woman without any warning. Oblivious! Until, it was too late. I was already used by the same man, multiple times.
So the next time around, I consciously agreed to be a side chick.
I was beyond hurt the first time I was someones side dish. This experience led to a period of self-evaluation. I had to evaluate who I was, why I was not good enough to be a girlfriend, and what I can do to prevent this from happening a second time.
I am not one for secrets and believe my life should be an open-book test in the simplest class you have taken in your whole college career. Not only that, my life is pretty fucking interesting!
There was a period in time, of my life, where I had a huge crush on being loved by another person. We can blame it on the lack of expression of love from my parents throughout my childhood. Nevertheless, despite being heartbroken by an asshole, I was too in love to see that I was a side chick!
I did not get the chance to be promiscuous, what I consider “promiscuity”, when I was younger (despite the rumors your ears picked up). I kept my sexuality at a low by subjecting to long-term relationships. A serial monogamist. So, since the good ol’ day of losing my innocence, I maintained long-term, monogamous, relationships. Until, someone broke my heart, again.
I was done! I was done with trying; I was over looking for “the man” to spend the rest of my life with. So, I accepted that I would be
Nothing is more soothing late night than some good kompa. Kompa kap fe ren’w woule!
Now, I know most of you “Haitians” are use to mainstream Haitian artists so, let me put you on! In honor of the end of Haitian Heritage Month and the beginning of Carribean-American Month, I share songs I listen to when your head gouye with your pillow late night.
As Issac Newton says, for every force there is an . . . opposite force. Yes! I am applying Newton’s third law of motion to the foundation of your thriving, or not, Friend with Benefits (FWB) arrangement. All the physics enthusiasts, refrain from trying to refute my previous statement because I DO NOT CARE! Nevertheless, we perused the pros to pursuing a FWB. But, just as gravity, “what goes up, must come down”. So, it is only right that you know the cons of FWB.
So, I am one of the annoying snappers that waste your time. Majority of my snaps involve me mumming the words to songs because, let’s be honest, I have nothing better to snap. Anyways, I usually do this late at night while normal people pillow-talk with their bed.
During those hours I procure the finest of alternative Hip-Hop, R&B, and Soul tracks and mum my heart out in hopes to awaken my snappers to new sounds of alternative Hip-Hop, R&B, and Soul.
“Gason se chen/men are dogs” or “Gason se alimet, ti fi se gazolin/ Men are lighters, women are gas” -Mom
“Be careful who you date” she said; “ESPECIALLY HAITIAN MEN!” This was my first warning about dating Haitian men!
In general, relationships are complex. Choosing to date a man in your race or outside of your race adds to the complexity of a relationship. I’ve experienced both dating worlds and they are, in their entirety, different. And, dating a Haitian man is…
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.. STRESSFUL, to say the least.
Foremost, this is not a representation of an entire population. This is solely based on my experiences and opinions. Lastly, I am not writing to degrade Haitian men. I am simply noting what grinds my gears about Haitian men.
A friend is someone you trust; someone who trusts you; someone you share history, circumstances, and mutual interests with; someone you develop experiences with; someone you may be compatible with. Some “friends” go beyond that by becoming sexually involved. This, new, potential relationship is labeled “Friend with Benefits” (FWB).
Individuals that pursue this type of relationship is:
Too busy to invest time into a committed relationship.
Recovering from a past break up and desire sexual intimacy.
Interested in someone who does not show interest and believes sex without commitment may spark said interest.
Some may think these individuals are purposefully avoiding relationships. Others assume it is just a phase that women or men develop following a horrid break up. Regardless of the negative connotations associated with your current arrangement, it is beneficial.
Benefits of a FWB
You are in an arrangement with someone who knows you and someone you can fully trust. You are comfortable with them and you can be your true self with them.
You are free to do what you want and when you want. You are not bounded to someone. You can be yourself and in a space free of judgment.
You do not have to scour social media outlets such as Tinder for your next random sex partner when you need to knock your rocks off. There is no need to jump from bar to bar, drunken, in search for something sweet to soothe your needs. When you need it, give your FWB a call. Since it is an arrangement, they will be willing and ready to satisfy your cravings.
Solo sex is no fun! Sex with someone you know is better. Since there is no commitment, you can feel comfortable in having liberated, safe sex, rather than hooking up with random strangers for a quick fix.
FWB’s is a real connection. It’s not you scrolling through Tinder liking every random persons picture in hopes someone will do the same. This person is there and will always be for as long as you want. So, if you aren’t feeling “committed relationships” lately,think of a potential FWB. But, know the cons to a FWB as well.